Tagged: rhyme

Kreative Kue 200

Kreative Kue 199 asked for submissions based on this photograph:
John W Howell is the author of the John Cannon trilogy of My GRL, His Revenge, Our Justice and Circumstances of Childhood, co-author of The Contract, and blogs at Fiction Favorites.

The Square by John W. Howell © 2018

“Okay this is part 24B so why doesn’t it fit in slot 24?”

“You sure you read the instructions right?”

“I did. The next step is to fit part 24B into slot 24.”

“Why is the part so short then? Slot 24 is a foot bigger.”

“Yeah, that has me puzzled as well.”

“I have never seen such a confused mess in my whole life.”

“What do you mean ‘confused mess?’”

“Just look at this thing. Half the parts are not the right size, and it seems some are missing.”

“I checked all the parts before I began and they were all here.”

“Then why do you seem to have run out of material?”

“If I knew that I would have this conundrum solved. I called you for help not for stating the obvious.”

“Okay. I get it. Let me look at the plan.”

“It’s over there under the coffee cups.”

“Let me see. I just love these Ikea directions. I have a mechanical engineering degree and feel underqualified.”

“So what do you think?”

“For starters did you look at the picture?”

“No. Can’t say I did.”

“If you had you would realize this is supposed to be a square.”

“A square? I didn’t buy a square. I bought a rectangle. The foundation is for a rectangle.”

“You better look at your order then. You have a square. Did you get this at the Ikea store?”

“No, I ordered it online.”

“I think you better return it. You will never have enough material to finish a rectangle.”

“Look at my order. It clearly says the measurements are a rectangle.”

“All the better. It is their fault then. Wait what is this message in red?”

“Please check your order carefully before you begin assembly. No refunds or returns once assembly has begun.”

“Looks like you are screwed.”

“What if I order another square?”

“Humm let me see.  If I measure the sides and multiply by two. Yes, that will work.”

“I’m going to do it right now.”

“Just your luck you will get a rectangle.”

“That will work too.”

“Just think of the money you saved by ordering online.”

“Dark sarcasm in the classroom.”

“Yeah, sorry.”


Meanwhile, my effort was:

The Granny Annex

I don’t want to hear you grouse,
This will be your brand new house.
Its construction will bring you much fame and glory.
There’ll be room for all you need,
From restrictions, you’ll be freed
Even though it only has a single storey.

Do I look like I’m a prat?
I can never fit in that,
Though I know my height is somewhat short on inches.
Even my small bed won’t fit
And there’s no place to have a s**t,
And where can I put my gilded cage of finches?

I care nought about your birds,
Even less about your t***s.
You can stand because the roof has quite a pitch.
There’s enough room for your bed,
Just as sure as my name’s Fred.
For the rest, you must accept that life’s a bitch.

Fred is surely not your name.
You have always been the same.
I’ll move out, because I know that’s what you’d rather.
You really needn’t worry;
I will go, though I won’t hurry.
But I still say that’s no way to treat your father!


Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, on Monday.

The Granny Annex

I don’t want to hear you grouse,
This will be your brand new house.
Its construction will bring you much fame and glory.
There’ll be room for all you need,
From restrictions, you’ll be freed
Even though it only has a single storey.

Do I look like I’m a prat?
I can never fit in that,
Though I know my height is somewhat short on inches.
Even my small bed won’t fit
And there’s no place to have a s**t,
And where can I put my gilded cage of finches?

I care nought about your birds,
Even less about your t***s.
You can stand because the roof has quite a pitch.
There’s enough room for your bed,
Just as sure as my name’s Fred.
For the rest, you must accept that life’s a bitch.

Fred is surely not your name.
You have always been the same.
I’ll move out, because I know that’s what you’d rather.
You really needn’t worry;
I will go, though I won’t hurry.
But I still say that’s no way to treat your father!

 


I wrote this in response to Kreative Kue 199, issued on this site earlier this week. Feel free to join in; just follow the link.

Kreative Kue 195

Kreative Kue 194 asked for submissions based on this photograph:
John W Howell is the author of the John Cannon trilogy of My GRL, His Revenge, Our Justice and Circumstances of Childhood, co-author of The Contract, and blogs at Fiction Favorites.

Fishing by John W. Howell © 2018

“So you got me up at the crack of dawn to come with you while you fish.”

“Trust me. You are absolutely going to love it.”

“No coffee even.”

“I brought a thermos. When we get settled, we’ll have some coffee.”

“It is so chilly out here.”

“I brought a blanket. We’ll be nice and comfy.”

“What is the first thing we need to do?”

“I’ll need to show you how to bait a hook.”

“Bait?”

“Yes. Here see this worm?”

“Ew, get that squirmy thing away from me.”

“Alright, I’ll bait the hook for you. You can watch.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m putting this worm on the hook.”

“But you are hurting it.”

“Well, it is only a worm. Fish like them.”

“Do you have to stab it like that? I think I’m going to get sick.”

“It is all over. All you have to do is sit down. I’ll cast your line out to the deep.”

“What happens if I catch a fish?”

“You turn this crank and bring it in.”

“When’s coffee?”

“I’ll get it as soon as my line is in.”

“Oh wait. Something tugged on my line.”

“Quick turn the crank. That’s it, nice and steady.”

“What is that thing?”

“Looks like a nice bass. Here let me put a net under it.”

“What do I do now?”

“Take the fish off the hook.”

“Oh lord no. I can’t do that. You do it.”

“For heaven’s sake, George you have to get a grip. It is not that big a deal.”

“This thing is so slimy. I don’t want to touch it.”

“Fine. There it is off.”

“Throw it back.”

“What?”

“The poor thing. I don’t want it to suffer.”

“Of all the he-men in the world, I had to hook up with a marshmallow.”

“Oh smores. I could go for a smore right now. Where’s the coffee?”


Meanwhile, my effort was:

Gracious!

The forecaster’s mendacious
There’ll be no storm tonight;
Although he’s oft loquacious
He is seldom ever right

Those folk seem quite audacious
With their doggy on the sand
But the waves become minacious
As they fast approach the land

It’s hard to be vivacious
In the wind that’s blowing in
All gusty and ungracious
And it makes a fearful din

The sea, it seems vexatious
At the turning of the tide
And my appetite voracious
Must soon be satisfied

Now, dare I be audacious
And suggest we sally forth?
I think it efficacious
That we turn and head due north!


On to this week’s challenge: Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.