Tagged: limericks

Avast!

A sailor from Trincomalee
Set off for adventure at sea,
He sat in the poop
Of a three-masted sloop
With his two mates, Abdullah and Lee.

“We’re making sail for the Antilles,”
Said the captain, which gave Lee the willies.
“We’ll be in good shape
If we go round the cape.”
Does he think we’re a bunch of hillbillies?

They first passed the Cape of Good Hope
Where they were all blessed by the Pope;
But all his best wishes
Won’t wash any dishes
For that you need water… and soap.

They crossed the Atlantic at last,
After many long days they had passed
Eating off dirty plates
And fighting with mates
Till the loser was tied to the mast.

They then tried to make it a race
With a clipper going to the same place.
“We won’t be as fast
With one fewer mast”
Said Abdullah – he of the long face.

Their expressions could not have been blanker
When they saw the damned clipper at anchor.
“The *!#s must have cheated!”
The captain expleted,
“Either that, or their skipper’s a highly skilled navigator, more than worthy of his commission.”

 


I wrote this in response to Kreative Kue 195, issued on this site earlier this week. Feel free to join in; just follow the link.

Kreative Kue 194

Kreative Kue 193 asked for submissions based on this photograph:
John W Howell is the author of the John Cannon trilogy of My GRL, His Revenge, Our Justice and Circumstances of Childhood, co-author of The Contract, and blogs at Fiction Favorites.

The DI by John W. Howell © 2018

“Now listen to me people. I’m going to be asking a series of questions. If you get them right, you’re good. Wrong answers will draw the usual punishment.”

“Uh excuse me.”

“What is it, Thompson?”

“The usual punishment? I’m unfamiliar with it.”

“You have to take a lap around the wheat field with your falcon.”

“Does the falcon fly or ride?”

“You have to carry your falcon.”

“My goodness. That seems harsh.”

“Look around you, Thompson. See the smiles. No one else is bothered. See they know the answers. do you?”

“I haven’t heard the question yet.”

“Yet, sir.”

“You don’t have to call me sir.”

“I’m not calling you sir. You need to call me sir.”

“Okay, sir.”

“Okay what, Thompson?”

“I’ll call you sir. By the way, sir when can I have my Falcon back?”

“As soon as I’m through inspecting him.”

“Yes, sir. Maybe after the inspection, you’ll realize he is a she.”

“I think I’m going to have trouble with you, Thompson. What was your last assignment?”

“Falconer to the king, sir.”

“What? With that attitude? What happened? You get banned?”

“Not really, sir. I received the Croix de Oiseau and a pension.”

“What are you doing here then?”

“I felt my skills could be put to use with the common folk.”

“Who you calling common?”

“It is just a term that separates the royals from everyone else. No need to take offense.”

“Okay I’m going to give you a question, and if you can’t answer it, we will see you in about eight hours.”

“I’m ready.”

“You’re ready what?”

“For the question. Oh, I’m sorry. I’m ready, sir.”

“Here it is then. How fast can a falcon fly?”

“Before I answer. How about a small wager?”

“What kind of wager?”

“If I get the answer right, you take a lap of the wheat field. Wrong I’ll take two.”

“You are on.”

“In 2016 a Peregrine Falcon broke the record for a dive at 240 miles per hour.”

“How did you know that?”

“I was there. Give me my bird. See you tomorrow.”


Meanwhile, my effort was:

Strictly for the birds

I hope that you’re all having fun
And you still have your hawks – except one
I gave one simple rule
So you won’t look a fool
But don’t fret, it’s quite easily done

There’s just one thing on which I insist
Said three times, so it couldn’t be missed
Get a grip on the jess
Or you’ll end in a mess
Coz your bird will fly off from your fist

I’m not normally given to scold
But we did say that you should keep hold
Standing there with no bird
You look frankly absurd
Why can’t you just do as you’re told?

Oh, sorry, I just didn’t know
That my mate Clive took her to show
How to cast and recall
And rewarding and all.
Perhaps I should shut up and go.


On to this week’s challenge: Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.

Strictly for the birds

I hope that you’re all having fun
And you still have your hawks – except one
I gave one simple rule
So you won’t look a fool
But don’t fret, it’s quite easily done

There’s just one thing on which I insist
Said three times, so it couldn’t be missed
Get a grip on the jess
Or you’ll end in a mess
Coz your bird will fly off from your fist

I’m not normally given to scold
But we did say that you should keep hold
Standing there with no bird
You look frankly absurd
Why can’t you just do as you’re told?

Oh, sorry, I just didn’t know
That my mate Clive took her to show
How to cast and recall
And rewarding and all.
Perhaps I should shut up and go.

 


I wrote this in response to Kreative Kue 193, issued on this site earlier this week. Feel free to join in; just follow the link.