Tagged: limericks

Composure

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I don’t know quite what I expected
When I heard that my Mum was infected,
I was ever so sad
That Mummy was bad
And afraid that I might be neglected.

I must admit I was dejected
When she said that to keep me protected
She’d send me away
With neighbours to stay
So that I would not be affected.

To what horrors would I be subjected?
Would my needs be fully respected?
I felt cast aside
When the neighbour’s kid cried,
You could say I felt disaffected.

The little kid went uncorrected
So I did something quite undirected
I stayed in my place
Looked him straight in the face
And used the trick I had perfected

Now, all things are interconnected
And this baby never suspected
That although he’s neurotic
My gaze was hypnotic
And his anger would soon be deflected.


This was written in response to Kreative Kue 263 published on this site.

Poodling

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Words can scarcely express my elation
That the lockdown may end in this nation
The truth is, I fear,
Whilst my van is parked here
I can’t pick up my fav’rite station.

We have an exceeding large garden
And I hope that you’ll all beg my pardon
But I like to go wild
Like a seventies child
Please don’t let your attitudes harden

I do love my lockdown walks oodles
Just ambling around with my poodles
I derive so much joy
From Helen and Troy
It’s better than winning at boodles

A few of these rhymes may be tentative
Some even experimentative
But I’m trying my best
(Although not by request)
To do something less representative


This was written in response to Kreative Kue 263 published on this site.

Pedalling

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“Are we nearly there yet?”

“Are we nearly where yet?”

“There – wherever it is we’re supposed to be going.”

“Don’t you know? Didn’t you study the route plan last night?”

“I didn’t know there was one. What channel was it on?”

“It wasn’t on a channel. It was on a piece of paper, a thing called a handout.”

“Who was handing them out? I didn’t see one.”

“Were you or were you not at the meeting last night?”

“What meeting?”

“The one where all the teams got together and briefed their riders. The one where the organisers revealed the route for today and gave out the caveats.”

“Oh, man!”

“What?”

“I always seem to miss out when there are freebies to be had.”

“There weren’t any freebies.”

“What about these caveats you said they were handing out?”

“Caveats aren’t goodies, they’re warnings, advisories, things we have to know about.”

“So what do we have to know?”

“Before I answer that, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“If you weren’t at the meeting last night, and you don’t know the route of today’s stage, how come you’re pushing to be in front?”

“Better view. I didn’t fancy spending all day looking at a load of other blokes’ backsides.”

“Do you know how the peloton works?”

“The what?”

“The peloton.”

“No, I don’t know how the peloton works, and shall I tell you why I don’t know how the peloton works? I haven’t got the faintest clue what the peloton is!”

“What team are you with?”

“Me? I support Doncaster Rovers.”

“Which team are you riding for? Who pays your fee? Whose colours are you wearing?”

“Sorry, you’re not making sense.”

“Let me try a simple one. Why are you riding with us today?”

“Why not? It’s a free country, it’s a nice day and it gets me away from the wife and kids for a couple of hours.”

“Oh, pedal on!”


This was written in response to Kreative Kue 262 published on this site.