Tagged: limericks

Steamy pictures

Things are seldom the way that they seem
For instance, just look at this steam;
It’s not from the kitchen,
Macbethian witchin’,
Or even a stray laser beam

The truth is, and please do not panic,
Its source is indeed inorganic.
It starts superheated
(Though mostly depleted)
From energy sources volcanic.

Let’s do this without your dissent,
Just step out right over the vent.
I’ll take a photo
(That rhymes with Lesotho
To a greater or lesser extent).

The pictures I’ll sell to the papers
To evidence volcanic vapours.
From factors tectonic,
Emissions demonic
Drive nature’s dynamic landscapers.

The mountains are long-term inert;
No eruption, no venting, no spurt.
My best information?
They’re in hibernation.
So don’t let the steam disconcert.

 


I wrote this in response to Kreative Kue 167, issued on this site earlier this week. Feel free to join in; just follow the link.

Telecommunication

Your message said I should show face,
Though I live in a far-away place.
If you just want a photo,
Here’s one from Lesotho.
I’m sending it first, just in case.

You see, I just can’t make the fare
To fly all the way to you there
Eight hours on a plane –
Do you think I’m insane?
I’m a writer, not a billionaire.

Your letter said we need to meet,
Now, you know that I’m not one to bleat,
If you just want to gripe,
We can do it on Skype,
From the comfort of our favourite seat.

While not wishing to sound too contrary
We could use the old-fashioned Blackberry;
Or with phone on your lap
We could chat with WhatsApp.
No journey should be necessary.

You know I’m not trying to be funny
(Though I’m writing this sat on the dunny).
You know that I would
Be right there if I could,
But I seriously don’t have the money.

Just tell me what info you need
And I’ll get it to you with best speed
No need to be vexed
I’ll send you a text.
[Quick, think of a rhyme] All agreed?


I wrote this in response to Kreative Kue 162, issued on this site earlier this week. Feel free to join in; just follow the link.

Kreative Kue 149

Kreative Kue 148 asked for submissions based on this photograph:

John W Howell, author of the John Cannon trilogy of My GRL, His Revenge, Our Justice and Circumstances of Childhood, and who blogs at Fiction Favorites, sent:

The Trip by John W. Howell © 2017

“So where is the cruise ship?”

“Who said anything about a cruise ship?”

“You said we were going on a cruise.”

“I don’t think I said a cruise.”

“What did you say then?”

“I think I said you and I were booked on a boat trip.”

“Boat trip, cruise. What’s the difference?”

“For one thing a boat trip is on a boat, not a ship.”

“To me, they are the same.”

“A boat is smaller.”

“Like those in the river there?”

“Exactly.”

“Okay, so it’s a small boat. Still a cruise to me.”

“Hold on. Another thing that separates a cruise from a boat trip is on a cruise you don’t have to do anything but eat, sleep, and play.”

“Yeah, I get that. So on a boat trip, you need to be involved in doing things.”

“Now I think you have it.”

“Like what things?”

“Depends on what you signed up for.”

“Signed up for? What does that mean?”

“Well, for instance, I signed up to be a deckhand.”

“Deckhand. Wait a minute. I thought this was going to be a vacation?”

“It is. A working vacation.”

“You mean to tell me we are going to be working as deckhands on one of those barges?”

“No, not at all.”

“Well. that’s a relief.”

“You’re signed up as a cook.”


My effort was:

Life is but a dream

Do you think it could ever be done
Using boats on the Seine in the sun
They have a boat race
In every place
Why on Earth shouldn’t Paris have one?

The expression is ‘fermez la bouche’
You can’t race with a damned bateau-mouche
They race in canoes
With professional crews
Not these things, you daft little douche

The river is well deep and wide
You could run at least two side by side
If you’ve too much fear
To ever come near
Then perhaps you should just run and hide

Let me say in a spirit didactical
I consider your idea impractical
Just think of the wake
These blighters would make
You need to be thinking more tactical

Do you think I am stupid? Good Lord,
There wouldn’t be people on board
Still, if there’s no chance
We can do it in France,
I’ll try in Norway, on a fjord


On to this week’s challenge: Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keith@channing.info before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.