Tagged: challenge

Telecommunication

Your message said I should show face,
Though I live in a far-away place.
If you just want a photo,
Here’s one from Lesotho.
I’m sending it first, just in case.

You see, I just can’t make the fare
To fly all the way to you there
Eight hours on a plane –
Do you think I’m insane?
I’m a writer, not a billionaire.

Your letter said we need to meet,
Now, you know that I’m not one to bleat,
If you just want to gripe,
We can do it on Skype,
From the comfort of our favourite seat.

While not wishing to sound too contrary
We could use the old-fashioned Blackberry;
Or with phone on your lap
We could chat with WhatsApp.
No journey should be necessary.

You know I’m not trying to be funny
(Though I’m writing this sat on the dunny).
You know that I would
Be right there if I could,
But I seriously don’t have the money.

Just tell me what info you need
And I’ll get it to you with best speed
No need to be vexed
I’ll send you a text.
[Quick, think of a rhyme] All agreed?


I wrote this in response to Kreative Kue 162, issued on this site earlier this week. Feel free to join in; just follow the link.

Kreative Kue 162

Kreative Kue 161 asked for submissions based on this photograph:

My thanks to John W Howell, author of the John Cannon trilogy of My GRL, His Revenge, Our Justice and Circumstances of Childhood, and who blogs at Fiction Favorites, who sent:

The Trail by John W. Howell © 2018

“Here boy. Come on.”

“Hey, dog you are being called.”

“The name is Trevor, and I think he’s calling you.”

“Now that is damn near impossible.”

“Why is it impossible?”

“Well for one thing. He can’t see me so how’s he supposed to know I’m here?”

“You are kidding me. The old man can’t see you?”

“Well, there are some rare times he can.”

“When’s that?”

“You know that special bottle of brandy in the den.”

“Brandy? Oh, you mean the water that smells bad?”

“There is a lot of water that smells bad, but yes.”

“What about it.”

“Well, when there have been too many “I’ll just have one more,”then he magically can see me.”

“Does he talk to you?”

“Um, talk isn’t the right word. I think they call it cursing.”

“Oh yeah. I’ve heard that went he comes across my poop in his bare feet.”

“Ha ha ha. I love those times.”

“So how come I can see you? I don’t use any of the smelly water.”

“You are pure of heart. You have no agenda.”

“You are saying I’m dumb.”

“No, let’s just call you simple and leave it at that.”

“So what makes him so complex?”

“Look at him. Sitting on that noisy thing called a Snapper, cutting grass out in the middle of nowhere. Don’t you think doing something useless like that takes a complex mind?”

“I never thought of it like that. So you are saying the more useless the task, the more complex the planning behind it?”

“You know Trevor, I take back what I said about you being simple.”

“Well, thanks but why?”

“You have just identified one of the facts of life not many think about.”

“Facts of life?”

“Yes. You have articulated the key to understanding the government.”

“Is that possible?”

“You have given the world a start.”

“Before I’m nominated for the Nobel prize, I think I’ll go over and ask Mr. Complex if it is dinner time yet.”

“You go, boy.”


My effort was:

Ye Gods!

“What’d you do that for?”

“Bit of a test, really.”

“Test? What do you mean, test?”

“Not so much a test; more an experiment.”

“Look, Boss. A few of us are getting worried about you.”

“Worried? Worried? What kind of silly talk is that?”

“Some of the council have had concerns since you turned yourself into a swan just to seduce that mortal woman.”

“Well, even you have to admit she was more than just a little bit phwooaaar.”

“I’ll grant you that. But a swan? What were you thinking?”

“Worked, didn’t it?”

“It did, but you’ve got so many other powers that would have done the trick.”

“Such as?”

“Oh, come on. What can’t you do? Anyway, Boss. The council is worried. There’s even talk of an intervention.”

“I haven’t got a problem, and there’s an end to it.”

“See? Denial.”

“What are you talking about. I’m tempted to banish you for insubordination.”

“Anger…”

“Okay. Listen. You don’t need to do an intervention. If I promise not to take on other forms anymore, no matter how much I want a mortal woman… Can we do a deal?”

“Bargaining…”

“What’s the bloody point? You guys have never respected my authority anyway. I might just as well give up this lark and take a job I can cope with.”

“Depression… and one to go.”

“Alright. Have your damned intervention if you must. Sure, I can’t always control my lustful urges—”

“Or your angry ones.”

“That too. But I can try. Maybe I need friend or two I can lean on.”

“And we’re there. Now. Tell me about this experiment.”

“Oh, yeah. I wanted to find out how the dominant intelligent species on the planet would react to a sudden and unexpected intrusion into its environment of something totally alien.”

“But a plasticine dragon?”

“Yeah. Small spelling mistake on the requisition. I meant Pleistocene. You know, Quaternary period, between the Pliocene and Holocene epochs. Anyway, they screwed up and sent one made of FIMO® – bloody baked hard so I can’t even make anything else with it when the experiment’s finished.”

“Should’ve gone to SpecSavers?”

“Indeed!”

“So you’ve put this… this thing—”

“Dragon.”

“This dragon into the environment. How did that go?”

“Look for yourself. Neither the dominant species nor its companion animal has even noticed it.”

“They do look pretty cool about the whole thing.”

“Tell me about it. The dominant species, Canis familiaris, is totally nonchalant, and its companion, Lawnmower man, clearly doesn’t give a—”

“I get the picture, Boss. Come with me?”

“Where?”

“There’s a meeting I think you should be at…”


On to this week’s challenge: Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.

Ye Gods!

“What’d you do that for?”

“Bit of a test, really.”

“Test? What do you mean, test?”

“Not so much a test; more an experiment.”

“Look, Boss. A few of us are getting worried about you.”

“Worried? Worried? What kind of silly talk is that?”

“Some of the council have had concerns since you turned yourself into a swan just to seduce that mortal woman.”

“Well, even you have to admit she was more than just a little bit phwooaaar.”

“I’ll grant you that. But a swan? What were you thinking?”

“Worked, didn’t it?”

“It did, but you’ve got so many other powers that would have done the trick.”

“Such as?”

“Oh, come on. What can’t you do? Anyway, Boss. The council is worried. There’s even talk of an intervention.”

“I haven’t got a problem, and there’s an end to it.”

“See? Denial.”

“What are you talking about. I’m tempted to banish you for insubordination.”

“Anger…”

“Okay. Listen. You don’t need to do an intervention. If I promise not to take on other forms anymore, no matter how much I want a mortal woman… Can we do a deal?”

“Bargaining…”

“What’s the bloody point? You guys have never respected my authority anyway. I might just as well give up this lark and take a job I can cope with.”

“Depression… and one to go.”

“Alright. Have your damned intervention if you must. Sure, I can’t always control my lustful urges—”

“Or your angry ones.”

“That too. But I can try. Maybe I need friend or two I can lean on.”

“And we’re there. Now. Tell me about this experiment.”

“Oh, yeah. I wanted to find out how the dominant intelligent species on the planet would react to a sudden and unexpected intrusion into its environment of something totally alien.”

“But a plasticine dragon?”

“Yeah. Small spelling mistake on the requisition. I meant Pleistocene. You know, Quaternary period, between the Pliocene and Holocene epochs. Anyway, they screwed up and sent one made of FIMO® – bloody baked hard so I can’t even make anything else with it when the experiment’s finished.”

“Should’ve gone to SpecSavers?”

“Indeed!”

“So you’ve put this… this thing—”

“Dragon.”

“This dragon into the environment. How did that go?”

“Look for yourself. Neither the dominant species nor its companion animal has even noticed it.”

“They do look pretty cool about the whole thing.”

“Tell me about it. The dominant species, Canis familiaris, is totally nonchalant, and its companion, Lawnmower man, clearly doesn’t give a—”

“I get the picture, Boss. Come with me?”

“Where?”

“There’s a meeting I think you should be at…”


I wrote this in response to Kreative Kue 161, issued on this site earlier this week. Feel free to join in; just follow the link.