Limericks from prompts 21

canstockphoto12290151300.jpg
© Can Stock Photo& damedeeso. Used with permission

Limerick, a popular form of short, humorous verse that is often nonsensical and frequently ribald. It consists of five lines, rhyming aabba, and the dominant metre is anapestic, with two metrical feet in the third and fourth lines and three feet in the others. Encyclopaedia Britannica

A series of limericks produced in response to various prompts. 

Where any prompt contains exactly five letters, I may attempt an acrostic limerick based on that word (or a pair in the case of ten-letter prompts).

Let me know what you think.

 

AVARICE

for Kristian (https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2021/11/26/wotdc-avarice/)

Avarice – a posh word for greed.
The drive and the will to succeed.
I did try it once
But being a dunce
It scared me and I nearly peed.

INSTIGATE

for Kristian (https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2021/11/27/instigate-2/)

For starters, I should instigate
Procedures that can arbitrate
Between parties at war
Who want nothing more
Than to cheerfully co-operate.

NATURALLY

for Kristian (https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2021/11/28/naturally/)

Naturally shortens to natch,
As hatchery cuts down to hatch.
These abbreviations
Exceed expectations.
Stand by for another wee batch!

SURE

for Kristian (https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2021/11/29/sure/)

A diner called Nigel Swann-Moore
Asked his waiter, “What’s the soupe du jour?”
I heard the boy say
“It’s soup of the day.
Of that, I am totally sure.”

HERALD

for Kristian (https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2021/11/30/wotdc-herald/)

It’s late, and I really must scoot,
My wife sent me out to buy fruit.
My old schoolmate, Gerald,
Once wrote for the Herald
Then he lied, so they gave him the boot.

PROTOTYPE

for Kristian (https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2021/12/01/prototype/)

I once used the beak of a snipe
To fashion a natty pinstripe
A cheeky young fellow
Said, “That looks quite mellow.”.
I replied, “It’s a new prototype.”

PREJUDICE

for Kristian (https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2021/12/02/prejudice/)

A banana is more than its skin,
And a book than the cover it’s in.
Straight, bi or gay,
Or however you pray
Prejudice – always a sin.

International Limericks 20

canstockphoto12290151300.jpg
© Can Stock Photo & damedeeso used with permission

 

As an exercise in mental masochism, I shall attempt to produce, in strict alphabetic sequence, a limerick based on the name of each of the 193 member-states of the United Nations* (using the short name as commonly used in UK English, abbreviated where it is common practice or makes it easier). 

* from the official list available on-line on 5th July, 2021. The addition or removal of countries or changes of name during the course of this exercise will not be reflected.

Comments or implied comments about countries, including those of a geographical nature, are often the result of my struggle to find a set of words that will satisfy the rhythmic and metric requirements of the format. As such, they don’t necessarily reflect my experiences or opinions, or indeed any form of reality.

Let me know what you think.

 

MALI

Spend time in the deserts of Mali
You’ll find it quite different to Bali.
North from Timbuktu
There’s not much to do;
The hot sun can drive you doolally!.

MALTA

Birds that migrate over Malta
May wish they’d gone via Gibraltar.
Plain flying it’s not,
Too many are shot,
That’s what I heard from my mate, Walter.

MARSHALL ISLANDS

I must say, I’ve always been partial
To a holiday out in the Marshall
Islands – Pacific
To be more specific.
To practice my favourite sports martial.

MAURITANIA

All my life, despite my Anglomania,
I’ve wanted to see Mauritania.
What makes it much worse,
For the sake of a verse
I could end up in Pennsylvania.

MAURITIUS

If you spend all day washing dishes,
Daydreaming and making wild wishes.
Keep your head held high
And maybe you’ll fly
To that beautiful island, Mauritius.

MEXICO

They tell me in Mexico City
The girls are incredibly pretty.
I’d sure like to know
But doubt I can go
Until there’s more cash in the kitty.

Oops!

SONY DSC

“What on Earth have you done, Jeff‽”

“What’s up? I’m just following your instructions. Nice use of the interrobang, by the way.”

“Thanks. It’s probably the most underused punctuation mark in the history of underused punctuation marks, knocks the semicolon into a cocked hat. Unlike the apostrophe which suffers from an unbelievable amount of misuse.”

“I’m with you there, Mate. Admittedly, there are issues with its and it’s. Generally, people who don’t know how to use it properly tend to chuck it in almost every time a word is suffixed with an S instead of just when the word is in the possessive form…”

“With a few exceptions and special cases…”

“Exactly, but its as a possessive doesn’t take an apostrophe, which kind of means it’s the exception.”

“The one that proves the rule.”

“If you say so, but I think it confuses people.”

“Possibly. But did you know the interrobang was invented by a New York ad man called Martin Speckter, who didn’t like the usual combination of an exclamation mark followed by a question mark?”

“So he made up this thing‽ Never really caught on, though, did it?”

“Not really, except by people who want you to know that they know about interrobangs.”

“People like you, do you mean?”

“I suppose, Jeff. People like me. Anyway, what have you done with my garage?”

“What you asked me to do. Was I only supposed to blow the bloody doors off?”

“Hah bloody hah! I asked you to give me a price to treat the roof timbers for woodworm, re-slate the roof and replace the doors!”

“Which I gave you.”

“So… What happened?”

“And then your exact words were, Look, we’re mates. Can you just knock it down a bit for me?”

“I meant can you knock the price down, not the bloody building!”

“Oops.”


This was written in response to Kreative Kue 337 published on this site.