Noble, or nob?


“I say, Pater, this is a jolly good wheeze, what?”

“Learn well, boy. This is the life into which you were born.”

“I’m delighted to be accompanying you on this little jaunt, Pater. I do have one question, though.”

“What is it?”

“Must the peasants be allowed to watch us?”

“Remember, Primo, we are only where we are today because these people you dismiss as peasants give their labours, and sometimes their lives, to ensure we can live in the lap of luxury.”

“Shouldn’t they be doing that, then, and not standing there in squalor and filth gawping at us?”

“Shouldn’t they be doing what?”

“Working for us. What was it you said? Giving their labours and sometimes their lives?”

“Primogenitus Topdog, I am surprised at you. Surprised and disappointed. From where do such cruel and heartless thoughts spring, pray?”

“Nanny says we’re better than them. She says they’re not fit to untie my bootlaces. Nanny says that the lower classes can never aspire to the ranks of the upper-classes. And she should know.”

“Why should Nanny know about that?”

“Because she’s one of them. A low-born. She knows how fortunate she is to have the honour and privilege of being my Nanny. And she knows she has the job through my generosity and grace, not through any inherent value or quality of her own. Tell me I’m right, Pater.”

“We may have to agree to differ on that, Boy. All human beings have their own, intrinsic value.”

“Are you listening to yourself, Pater? Ewww. That horse has just defecated.”

“It happens. Get over it.”

“I appreciate and grant that every creature that eats must dispose of its waste. I’m not stupid, you know. What I don’t appreciate is the beast doing it right in front of my eyes. Who was supposed to have trained this animal? I’ll have him flogged. Teach him some manners then maybe he’ll teach the horse some.”

“Your training is going well, my boy. Before you know it, you’ll be reclining in the seat of power.”

This was written in response to Kreative Kue 229 published on this site.

6 thoughts on “Noble, or nob?

  1. One of the funniest clips I’ve ever seen on the TV News was this very very proper English woman declaring at the time of Prince Andrew and Sarah Fergusson’s marriage disintegration: “That’s what happens when one weds below ones class.”

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    1. I’m afraid that kind of attitude persists in certain circles. When I chose the picture, I saw the child as a young Jacob Reese-Mogg (who thoroughly deserves every bit of ridicule thrown at him – and a lot more besides).

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