Waist of Space, part one of the Unlikelihood series, followed Commanders Tarquin Stuart-Lane and Meredith Winstanley; hapless heroes of the Royal Space Regiment; who were sent on a mission to the Moon from which they were not expected to return. There they met with a group of aliens who had forged a living under the surface of the moon, and whose forbearswere testing a new kind of spacecraft.

In part two, FLATUS, our dynamic duo help the aliens (and the RSR) build their own multi-locatable craft. Will the ships be built and if so, will the drives work? What are the possible effects of having three such craft in space at one time? FLATUS — Fantastically Large Assembly for Travel at Unbelievable Speeds. The most unlikely spacecraft never built?

Part three follows the preparation and development of the Gap Travel Initiative (code named GTI) and the developing relationships among and between species, races and genders. Will humankind achieve the nirvana of limitless travel and if so, at what cost. Stick with Tarquin and Meredith as they navigate their route through an uncertain future.

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GTI. Chapter five, scene two

The rest of the group passed through Patsy’s hands in a similar vein. Two of the twelve showed a little more resistance than the rest but were both of the same mind as their colleagues by the time they passed into Jason’s care.

Once they had all been through, Patsy entered the third room and nodded towards Jason. Jason tapped a table and coughed for attention. The room was silent.

“Now you’ve all seen what the project entails, how do you feel about it?”

A rising hubbub signalled they were all happy. Mr A, who you will recall felt himself to be the group’s de facto leader, said, “I think I can say on behalf of all of us that we support what you are doing. One hundred per cent.”

Patsy sent a warm feeling around the group.

“But you thought it was awful,” Patsy said.

“I know. Can’t for the life of me understand why. I can only assume we were delusional; either that or we’d been relying on incorrect or at least incomplete information.”

Another warm feeling.

“What worries me now,” Jason said, “is the large number of followers of One Dimension who are still opposed to our work.”

“Don’t worry about them,” Mr A said, “we’ll soon bring them around to the right way of thinking.”

Warm? Practically sizzling!

The meeting broke up and the twelve left, each of them vigorously shaking hands with both Jason and Patsy, promising to keep in touch and thanking them effusively for correcting their unfortunate early impressions.

“Patsy, that was absolutely brilliant,” Jason said after the last of them had gone.

“Thank the borborygmi,” she replied.

“I wish I could.”

“Be careful what you wish for,” Patsy admonished him as they walked back towards Meredith’s office.

Arriving in the Admiral’s ante-room, they were met by a young officer who looked as though he’d have been more at home in a school uniform than in that of the regiment. Standing no more than 150cm in his white dress uniform, he was slight of build with a pasty complexion topped by a mop of the brightest ginger hair that either of the officers facing him had ever seen.

“Can I help you, Sirs?” he asked.

“Yes,” Patsy said, “you can let us pass so we can see Admiral Winstanley.”

“Is the admiral expecting you, Ma’am?” he asked, firmly but respectfully blocking their way.

“Probably not, but as we’re here… be a good chap…”

“Who should I say wants to see the admiral?”

“Very well,” Patsy sighed, “Commodore Strangename and Commander Pratt.”

As the young man pressed his intercom button, Patsy whispered to Jason, “Honestly – have you ever seen anyone look more like a Swan Vesta?”

Jason giggled.

“You can go through, Sirs,” the young man said.

“What’s so funny?” Meredith asked as the two walked into her office laughing.

“Is that the new Pipsqueak?” Patsy asked.

“Sub-Lieutenant Swann—” They laughed even harder. “What?”

Being the more familiar with the admiral and thus feeling freer to be, shall we say, less conscious and certainly less in awe of her boss’s rank, Patsy ventured, “We were just saying how, with his ginger top, pale face and white uniform, he could easily pass as a Swan Vesta.”

“And he’s called Swan!” Jason blurted.

“Not Swan, Swann. And if it’s any easier, you can call him by his given name – Nigel.”

“Never met a Nigel who’s not a prat,” Jason said morosely.

“Oy!”

“Sorry, Patsy. Perhaps I should say dimwit instead.”

“Only kidding. Pratt by name only, me. Not by nature.”

Meredith frowned. “I have a cousin called Nigel,” she said.

“Is he a prat?”

“Not exactly, but something like.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Patsy asked.

“Well… yes, I suppose he is, truth be told.”

“Thank you,” Jason said, smugly.

Meredith put her serious face on, looked at herself in the mirror beside her desk, decided she didn’t like it so took it off and put the silly one back on instead. “How did it go?” she asked.

Jason and Patsy both looked crestfallen, eyes down and heads drooped.

“Oh,” Meredith said, “that bad?”

“GOTCHA!” the two officers shouted in unison.

“Seriously?”

“Not with that face on,” Patsy said.

Meredith decided that the needs of the job should outweigh her personal vanity and put her serious face back on. “Seriously?”

“No. It was brilliant,” Patsy said.

“You were brilliant,” Jason corrected her, “I had practically nothing to do with it.”

“Either way,” Patsy continued, “it worked better than we could have hoped. And now, every time any of them says something nice about our project, they will be bathed in a warm, cosy feeling of well-being.”

“And if they say something negative about us?” Meredith asked.

“They won’t,” Jason said.

“They can’t,” Patsy corrected, “but what they can do and what they will do is pass the good word around their unenlightened, deluded followers.”

“So we’re in the clear?”

“I reckon.”

“Swann!” Meredith shouted, “Three coffees, stat.”

“And some biscuits?” Jason asked.

“And some biscuits,” Meredith added.  Turning back to Jason and Patsy, she said, “Now, whilst waiting for refreshments, let’s talk about where we go from here.”

Picking up her handset she called Rear Admiral Weinberg’s office. “Joan, Jason and Patsy are with me. Care to join?”

“Be right there,” Joan replied.

Meredith used the intercom to speak to her man, “Make that four please, Nigel,” she said.