Random Limericks 34

© Can Stock Photo& damedeeso. Used with permission

Limerick, a popular form of short, humorous verse that is often nonsensical and frequently ribald. It consists of five lines, rhyming aabba, and the dominant metre is anapestic, with two metrical feet in the third and fourth lines and three feet in the others. Encyclopaedia Britannica

A series of (non-acrostic) limericks produced in response to various prompts.

These will appear on Saturday mornings wherever possible.

Let me know what you think.

 

SALUTE

for Kristian – https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2021/04/03/salute/

My uncle taught me to salute.
He was dressed in his best sailor suit.
His hand was as flat
As the top of his hat,
And his face was exceeding hirsute..

KISS

for Kristian – https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2021/04/04/kiss/

You may think me rather remiss
If I never speak of my first kiss.
It happened in haste,
It was rather chaste,
And I wouldn’t describe it as bliss.

GIFT

for Esther – https://esthernewtonblog.wordpress.com/2021/04/05/laughing-along-with-a-limerick-53/

A friendship that’s suffered a rift
Can sometimes be healed by a gift.
An ill thought-out token
Can leave one heartbroken;
And you may end up getting short shrift!

SOMETIMES

for Kristian – https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2021/04/05/sometimes/

Sometimes when I sit up in bed
The artex connects with my head.
The ceiling is low;
My wife told me so.
I did not take on board what she said.

MAWKISH

for Kristian – https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2021/04/06/mawkish/

The day that I went to the sea
Was not as I thought it would be.
I’d rather be hawkish
Than thought of as mawkish,
But what can I say? That’s just me.

MONGREL

for Kristian – https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2021/04/08/mongrel/

A mongrel’s my favourite dog.
As for cats, I would lean to a mog.
If I think really big,
My own preferred pig?
But of course, it would be a warthog.

FRANKENFOOD

for Kristian – https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2021/04/09/frankenfood/

I speak of food altered genetic
For reasons of cost or cosmetic;
It’s my attitude
That all Frankenfood
Is not far removed from synthetic.

Acrostic Limericks 41

© Can Stock Photo & damedeeso used with permission

Limerick, a popular form of short, humorous verse that is often nonsensical and frequently ribald. It consists of five lines, rhyming aabba, and the dominant metre is anapestic, with two metrical feet in the third and fourth lines and three feet in the others. Encyclopaedia Britannica

Many examples of acrostic poems can be found scattered around the web (where the first letter of each line spells out a word when read from top to bottom), but I have found very few examples of acrostic Limericks.

I now look out for prompts that contain five letters (or ten, fifteen or… let’s not get ahead of ourselves, eh?). I may add the odd one of my own, too.

Let me know what you think.

LASSO

For fun

Lassoing’s a fun thing to do
As long as the knot remains true.
See me throw it hard,
Swing right round the yard,
Oh, stuff it, let’s stop for a brew!

Anyone care to join in?

An easy mistake.

“Can I help you, ma’am?”

“I hope so, dearie. I want to go in to measure up for curtains.”

“I beg your pardon, ma’am?”

“I said, I want to go in to measure up for curtains.”

“I thought that’s what I heard.”

“Then why did you ask me to say it again? I know I have a different accent to you people, but we all speak the same language, don’t we?”

“Indeed we do, ma’am. I had no difficulty understanding your words, but what you said… it just didn’t make sense to me, is all.”

“Tell me which part you didn’t get, dearie. I’ll see if I can make it any clearer for you.”

“You said you wanted to measure up for curtains… I’m not sure what that means in the context of this building, ma’am. Who requested your services? Where is your work order?”

“Now you aren’t making sense. Why would anyone ‘request my services’, as you put it,  to measure up for curtains?”

“Because that work is normally ordered by the department responsible for maintaining the fabric of the building and its fixtures and fittings, its hard and soft furnishings.”

“You do have some funny ideas over here, don’t you? Let me explain: Before I moved into my old house, I went around with my tape measure. I measured up and wrote down the dimensions of all the windows, so I could have the curtains made ready for me to hang when I moved in.”

“I understand what you are saying ma’am—”

“Good. Then all I’m asking now is the right to do the same thing here.”

“Why would you want to do that here, ma’am?”

“Oh, God, How can I put this any more clearly? I am the new owner of this building and I plan to move in, with my family, as soon as I can. I’ve sold the house in England and until I can move in here, I’m effectively homeless.”

“Are you telling me you believe that you own this building?”

“Yes, dearie, I am. Not believe, though. I do own it.”

“I’m sorry, Ma’am, but I haven’t received word that the the government of the United States has sold this building, and I certainly can’t grant you entry just on your say-so that you believe yourself to be the new owner.”

“Don’t take my word for it. I have all the paperwork in my bag. Let me see…  I know it’s in here somewhere…”

“What do you have, ma’am – a title deed? a bill of sale? a memorandum of transfer?”

“Heavens no. I have the winning raffle ticket.”

“Say what?”

“The winning ticket. I won this building and a brand new Mercedes motor car – in the big raffle. Yes, here it is. See for yourself.”

“I think you may have misread the ticket, ma’am.”

“No I haven’t. It clearly shows a drawing of this building and says it’s in Washington.”

“If you look closely, ma’am, you’ll see the words ‘not the actual house‘ under the drawing, and after the word Washington, it says County Durham. That’s Washington CD in Great Britain, not Washington DC in the US.”

“Let me see that.”

“Certainly, ma’am.”

“Oh, dear. I’d better get my husband back – he’s just gone to make himself known to the neighbours.”

“You mean…”

“Yes, the people next door, in that big white house.”

This was written in response to Kreative Kue 306 published on this site.